I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
