im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
