Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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