I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Please don't give away my fajitas
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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