I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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