i don't like sucking hair
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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