Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
