Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
