I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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