i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
