He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
