I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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