It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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