there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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