So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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