he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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