Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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