he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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