I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
