rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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