so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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