I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
