How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
