I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
