you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
