dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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