These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
