Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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