he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
