i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
