Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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