if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
