Apparently you make a good broom.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think your dad took our porno
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
