i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
