I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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