we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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