Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
