Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
