I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
