You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
