I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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