Heybabeimwearingurpanties
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
