thus making me awesome and them whores
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
