You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
