i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
