Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
