So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
