Will you blow on my dice?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
