i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
