Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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