Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
