Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
