his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
